Why do I bother with Livejournal? ever? seriously. I have a chick who lives 2 hours away telling me to get off her "shit" which is apparently Riis when Im not doing anything but harmless flirting and having a probably useless crush on him. God. too bad Sierra has an judgemental best friend. you know, I think I should just forget about lj, forever. I probably would have too if Austin hadnt commented about that chick's insipid plea. Seriously. Im terrified of girls in the first place, always have been. and I tend to try to make peace before I go on a rampage. and I do initially bundle into a ball. It took 2 months of stress and jealousy for me to spear Pat I dont think I would work up enough hatred for you in the neverness that we're going to meet for me to want to seriously get my hands dirty.

I have more things to worry about than girls 

like my grades. Im starting of Chemestry with a broken leg.

also my tennis is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo undecided its scaring the crap out of me and I dont know what the fuck to do. because its like at least 14 years of my life has been wasted simply because a guy says that the pros dont do it my way. so what the fuck, Im supposed to switch my whole original tennis style to suit a guy whos daughters posess this talent but cant kill a ball if it means their life? seriously

and heres my paranoid part, are people going insane? why oh why is partying taking over the lives again and the drama amounting to an ultimate high? and then theres the friends I didnt pay as much attention to as I should have and I completely realise that now, so at least thats okay.

man, that reminds me. I should probably talk to Devin. and Ish and Harry Potter. even Sheep. but Sheep's usually in WoW so he's good

well. in 2 days ill be boyfriendless for a year! teh whoot.

so fare thee well.

Dont stand so close to me,

Zaza 

Oh man, people tell me to chill. what the fuck. Im Hannah the goddamn Lane. OF COURSE I OVER REACT! are you people really so oblivious to my behavior? holy effing shit.  and in case you people didnt know, Im paranoid! whoot! who the fuck ever knew! with my constant aggressiveness and lighting speed reactions the posibilities are endless I say, ENDLESS!

just in case, Ill tell you other stuff that mentally goes on in my head

• I am paranoid (wouldnt ya know?)
• I am obsessive
• I am aggressive
• I have a jumble of ideas in my head at one time
• I am jealous
• I am a care addict
• I am a people addict
• I have a hard time focusing on things I do not think of in the spur of the moment
• I bitch, a lot, get used to it
• Im a realistic idealist which really depends on my mood
• I care way too fucking much
• I will kill you if provoked
• I think I have lost intelligence and it angers me to the point of no return
• My family has a history of psychosis

thats a little bit 

I seriously believe Sheep that  LIVEJOURNAL LOWERS YOUR INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT BY 10 POINTS!

Give a little bit, give a little bit of my love to you,

Zaza

Oy vey, school year sucks like a leech. well I just kinda want to say Im sortof alive, i want to throw up so I dont have to go to school though....

Inventing lovers on the phone,

Zaza

Spring break... whoo hoo...

I fucking walked around the block 3 times on Tuesday to see Jos and possibly do something with her but noooooooo she had to be away.. I RODE MY BICYCLE AROUND THE BLOCK!!!!!!!!!! I feel so goddam proud!!!!!!

Yesterday my mom decided to drop me off at the Rincon Valley Lie-berry and I went over to MCHS during their lunch and met the coolest bunch of people!!!!!! oh god, they randomly broke out into an Irish Jig... I wanted to fuck them all... then I met this guy named Keith and he gave me his number to hit... then I talked to a chick dumpster diving...

today I fucking saw DEREK!!!!!!!!! AND HE PLAYS TENNIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

He goes to Elsie Allen!!!!!!!!

WIERD!!!!!!!!!

and does anyone know russian names???? so far I have I _ _ _ _ _ _ iy and in there there is an O and an E... Im desperate to find Sheep's name... HE MIGHT SEND ME A PIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *faints*

Alix and I are going to kidnap Danny. its gonna be great.

I hate my high school, I hate drugs, I hate people who influence people, I hate disappointment and dissappointing people, I hate Middletown, I hate how the only person who can agree with me in this town has other friends who are all ndsfgsdhjadtr and giggly and goddamn stupid, except for Sarah, I hate the stupidity of the world, I hate the parents who breed for no reason except for personal gain, I hate people flaunting about stupid stuff, I hate you, and you, and you, and I hate how much I actually give a crap when I shouldnt and you dont even care about me.

I have a deal with everyone in this whole damn town right about now except for Sierra Minchaka, Sarah, Crystal Carpenter, Crystal Davenport, Roxy, Stina, Thunderbird and Andy. and I barely hang out with them...

oh Sheep, why must you make me feel good in the middle of this rant. I care too much about a robot I met online....

bleh

Im gonna go

How does it feel to kiss yourself goodbye?

Zaza

I LIVE!!!!!!! actually Ive been living. just not on LJ. because LJ annoys me. well

BLARK!

There. thats how it is in a flash.

I miss Max but I should be happy because I talked to Danny and hes awesome. but Im not.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!!

OKay well let us recap since Sunday night

Sunday night: I recieved a letter from a good friend of mine that was written by Pat in reply to the "older and wiser" person which called Pat a jackass. In the letter there was a bunch of crap about how pathetic I was and how I was ugly because I was "chubby and the throw-away type" well all feelings have gone and  you know, you really must see Kelly to believe it. Thank you Jimbob Alonomous, you're my hero!

I was quite witty when Max came online and what I thought was great was that he came up to me even after breaking up with me! in reply to "whats up" I just told him "My b/f broke up with me today but Im alright" which I am. I still intend to give him the stuff I bought.. this is nothing compared to Pat's breakup.. I still wanted ice cream though...

Monday: 2 fights happened, Eric Yell vs. Dan Patterson (Eric being ahead and I wanted that) and Dan Keneally vs. Joey Pinola (Dan caused Joey to run off crying and I also wanted that).. It made me sick watching it. Carmen and Lina and all these other people are going for the tennis team, yay!!!

DANNY HAS A DIRTY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps for joy*

Tuesday: I played with Jouquin I dunno how you spell it and I got a game off of him! yay! I didnt get to see Max though. In Kehilla Xochi asked me if we were still going out. I said no. I wonder why she asked that, has he found someone else? was he busy with some other chick so he didnt call me on Sat??? gah. no. he's too swamped to have someone else... or maybe only long distance someones..... Shut up Hannah, just shut up. Thats whats irritating Lola because you just dont know when to fucking shut up. I need to stop counting how many times I can use your mom as a comeback/excuse... Why am I such an idiot at times....

Wednesday: Steven DeLong did a fucking hundred pacers!!!! holy fucking shit, Ive only done fucking 87 in my life and I fucking workout every goddam day.... Lola's gone against me and Im not gonna have anyone to talk to on this fucking Ashland trip. Im stuck staying in a room with fucking Melanie Mullin and Kacy Mitchell, Do you realise how much they DONT LIKE ME!!!!!!! nor I them. I dunno maybe Im over reacting because they might be nice w8ithout everyone else but man... this is gonna suck arse.

Oh ya, The Zealots probably wont play in Calistoga because Alix has to go to his grandmothers funeral.. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made up a song last night in the shower:

Title: Gouge your ear drums

(with a happy beat and when lyrics have a * next to them they are to be screamed as in a heavy metal/ punk rock manner)

gouge your ear drums this is crap
but I refuse to take it back
I want to jump and scream and shout
but my throat wont hear me out

I want to make a lot of noise
just like all the other boys
my vocal chords are surely stuck
so I'll say this you all should

*FUCKING BREAK AND MAKE THIS STATE AND BURN YOUR BODIES DONT DELAY NOW

I dont know how I pulled that off
It felt like I couldnt cough
I can not sing that anymore
My throat is getting pretty sore
but to make sure I wont get hit
I will say

*LETS FUCK THIS SHIT BURN YOUR BRIDGES COUNT YOU BODIES, GOUGE YOUR EARDRUMS NOW!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Im gonna write my poems now. they all suck but I hate dates on them (Thanks Max for the idea!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 written: 1.9.04 while on the phone with Max

Dance away the fears

the tears

soothe the calloused mind

feel the softly sorrowful woes

from the ones you left behind

tiptoe around the corpses

of the people slaughtered now

and rise against the pain

the hurt

and come back some other time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written: 1.9.04
Title: Thanks

The worls seems so much calmer now

the pain reduces fast

my stiffness readily slowed me down

but with you it never lasts

It's odd to feel happy

and I dont get any pain

everything is changing now

but I dont want it to be the same

awakwardness was just a trait

that I felt throughout the night

but  with you I dont feel that sense

with you it just feels right

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written:1.9.04
Title: Too late

I dont want to give my heart away again

I dont want to be hurt horribly in the end

I dont want to cry in the middle of the night afterwards

I dont want to have my soul murdered

I dont want to become lost inside of you

too late (I did already)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written: 2.07.04

Dont leave me this time

you're you in different form

I've always loved you

But you changed people.

Please stay where you are

dont play hide and seek again

I might lose forever if we play again

I like you better now

just dont change back

into what you were before

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written: 2.14.04
Title: Over reaction

Am I important

or am I over reacting

am I going to get my heart broken

or am I over reacting

am I someone you throw away

or am I over reacting

am I the flavor of the month

or am I over reacting

do you even care about me anymore

or am I over reacting?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know that it would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar, If I could say to you, "girl we couldnt get much higher" come on baby light my fire,

Zaza