Boldly Going Nowhere..

Life turn

2009-04-05T20:10:08Z

I am going back to school to become a sexologist.

In 8+ years I hope to have a doctorate in sexology.

No joke.

As everybody who has met me knows, sex intrigues me. Not in a pornographic way, but in an amazing and complex subculture way.
Sex happens, and sex happens a lot, with so many variations its futile to count, and yet to so many it remains taboo.
I'm willing to devote my education and life studying this subject of human interaction. It's marvellous because its a blend of science and social worlds.

Anyway, just thought I'd share.

By the by.

2008-11-16T05:32:34Z

Here are a list of my travel plans based on the paychecks I am currently making and the debt I am able to pay off taking in account a decrease in paycheck when location changes:

December 2008:
2 nights stay in Los Angeles (essential sex run)
4 nights stay at home with my pantalones de azucar.

January 2009:
No travel plans

February 2009:
2 nights stay in Los Angeles

March 2009:
3 nights stay in Tacoma, Washington to look at apartments

April 2009:
3 nights stay in Coachella, California for Coachella Music Festival

May 2009:
Complete relocation to Tacoma, Washington in time for Sasquatch Music Festival

June 2009:
No travel plans

July 2009:
No travel plans

August 2009:
No travel plans

September 2009:
1.5 week stay in various European locations, focus on either Greece, Italy, or Spain.

October 2009:
No travel plans

November 2009:
2 night stay Las Vegas, Nevada (21rst birthday)

December 2009:
2 night stay Austin, Texas (Alamo Drafthouse Reunion)

In case you want to get a hold of me over the next year, I might be in these locations

charrediyce @ 2008-11-14T22:29:00

2008-11-15T06:35:16Z

Well I work at a resort in Calistoga and made 4 figures on my last paycheck.
Don't freak out, I only make minimum wage, the rest was tips.

However its a job that sucks out the soul, slowly and surely.

I just went to Austin, TX for a small little festival called the Fun Fun Fun Fest.
I saw Bad Brains, The Spinto Band, Hanway Troof (also known as GOD), Swinging Utters, a little bit of the Bouncing Souls, some other assorted bands and

THE LAST DEAD MILKMEN SHOW EVER

seriously.

The guy gave away his keyboard at the end of the show.

Also in Austin, TX is heaven.

Also known as The Alamo Drafthouse
Where you can eat an entire meal AND watch movies at the same time. IN THE MOVIE THEATER!

I'm still dating my Sex Shop Mike, who is now Assistant Manager at Hustler Hollywood in Hollywood, CA.
And I don't want to date anyone else, ever.
I found him.
Period.

Anyway, that's whats going on in my life. Just thought I'd share.

C'est la vie

2008-08-07T02:25:31Z

There is absolutely nothing better than reciprocated love.
Especially with the best human being in the entire world.
I must have done SOMETHING good to deserve him.

He's smart, he's sexy, he's hilarious (not funny, honest to goodness hilarious), he's inquisitive, he's endearing, he breathes movies, he falls into music, he matches my energy, he knows what life's really about, he's his own person, he's the physicalization of everything I've ever yearned for and anything I will ever need.
Plus he works in a sex store.

Too bad I'm moving back home for a few months.

Hopefully we'll have a wonderful home together in the Bay Area.

I'm so ludicrously in love.

Livejournal Worthy.

2008-05-26T04:29:26Z

So I'm in Camarillo with my very good friends and they have a little get together.
One thing leads to another and I find myself in a little fooling around session.
Mind you, I'm sober this entire time.

My gag reflex kicks in, and I throw up on his cock.
Not enough to make a mess, but enough to stain a shirt.
Here's the kicker.
This wasn't just one time.
It happened twice.

It was my first one night fling, and I think this is one of THE most hilarious things that have happened to me.

I thought it was livejournal worthy.

Penis holders, ye have been warned.

Flight of the Conchords

2007-09-18T06:37:09Z

I'm in love.

Hellz to the yes

2007-08-24T07:20:22Z

Even though soon I am migrating back to the biological cesspool of Riverside, I am excited.

I get to have my OWN kitchen (no weight gain THIS year!)
I get to take new classes (like Philosophy of Evil (yum!))
I get to possibly work at The Coffee Bean (supercool)
I get to see They Might Be Giants AND Wolfparade (Not together, but still its amazing)
I get to hang out with Erika (she's SUPERCUTE and SUPERSMART!)
I get to go to Hawaii with Connor (even though he's WAY too good for me)
I get to visit Muir and Hevvah! (I don't know who I love more)
I get to see LYDIA! (we made eachother scarves + we flew a kite at midnight)
I get to see Ian (yay techies!)
I get to have my monthly sushi nights with Yung and Jimmy (basically they're my older brothers)
I get to live with my Brawrbear (no dating, just casual sex)
finally
I get to reunite with Jason (because we get each other, even if we are 12 years apart)

yay!

P.S.
I think I've decided on being Harley Quinn for Holloween, because Brawrbie agreed to be my Joker. However, I will try to be a shining example of Jem in my everyday life. For I too am a humanitarian by day, glam rock star by night. And I too am synonymous with exictement, adventure, glamour, glitter, fashion, and fame. I am truly outrageous. It's contagious. Hannah's my name, no one else is the same, Hannah's my name.

Last words

2007-06-09T09:31:57Z

Why is it that as soon as I'm about to go home, things start looking good here?
Well, sort of.
It's just better.
Anything is better than what I've been doing. which has been dying.
Hannah Lane was ceasing to exist without anybody noticing or caring. I don't mind being alone, just on my own terms.
And it just became more apparent that the only friendships and relationships that I really gave a damn about would not have existed without my persistence. Which is very depressing, especially when everyone else in the world tells me that I'm everything I despise.
Summer will be interesting, because I really don't know what will happen when I don't call or visit or go out of my way to make sure that they remember that I live in the world too.
Ironic eh? I tell people I'm not going to talk to them. Talk about attention whoring.

Well at least I'm interesting to some people. they may be insane, and they may just want my body. but at least they are the ones putting forth the effort.

PS I'm excited to seduce a man twelve years older than me, because he grew up.

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't

2005-02-20T22:53:05Z

Why do I bother with Livejournal? ever? seriously. I have a chick who lives 2 hours away telling me to get off her "shit" which is apparently Riis when Im not doing anything but harmless flirting and having a probably useless crush on him. God. too bad Sierra has an judgemental best friend. you know, I think I should just forget about lj, forever. I probably would have too if Austin hadnt commented about that chick's insipid plea. Seriously. Im terrified of girls in the first place, always have been. and I tend to try to make peace before I go on a rampage. and I do initially bundle into a ball. It took 2 months of stress and jealousy for me to spear Pat I dont think I would work up enough hatred for you in the neverness that we're going to meet for me to want to seriously get my hands dirty.

I have more things to worry about than girls

like my grades. Im starting of Chemestry with a broken leg.

also my tennis is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo undecided its scaring the crap out of me and I dont know what the fuck to do. because its like at least 14 years of my life has been wasted simply because a guy says that the pros dont do it my way. so what the fuck, Im supposed to switch my whole original tennis style to suit a guy whos daughters posess this talent but cant kill a ball if it means their life? seriously

and heres my paranoid part, are people going insane? why oh why is partying taking over the lives again and the drama amounting to an ultimate high? and then theres the friends I didnt pay as much attention to as I should have and I completely realise that now, so at least thats okay.

man, that reminds me. I should probably talk to Devin. and Ish and Harry Potter. even Sheep. but Sheep's usually in WoW so he's good

well. in 2 days ill be boyfriendless for a year! teh whoot.

so fare thee well.

Dont stand so close to me,

Zaza

people are stupid, stupid creatures

2005-02-17T02:05:40Z

Oh man, people tell me to chill. what the fuck. Im Hannah the goddamn Lane. OF COURSE I OVER REACT! are you people really so oblivious to my behavior? holy effing shit. and in case you people didnt know, Im paranoid! whoot! who the fuck ever knew! with my constant aggressiveness and lighting speed reactions the posibilities are endless I say, ENDLESS!

just in case, Ill tell you other stuff that mentally goes on in my head

I am paranoid (wouldnt ya know?)
I am obsessive
I am aggressive
I have a jumble of ideas in my head at one time
I am jealous
I am a care addict
I am a people addict
I have a hard time focusing on things I do not think of in the spur of the moment
I bitch, a lot, get used to it
Im a realistic idealist which really depends on my mood
I care way too fucking much
I will kill you if provoked
I think I have lost intelligence and it angers me to the point of no return
My family has a history of psychosis

thats a little bit

I seriously believe Sheep that LIVEJOURNAL LOWERS YOUR INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT BY 10 POINTS!

Give a little bit, give a little bit of my love to you,

Zaza

Music is love searching for words

2005-02-15T02:35:28Z

I really like that quote. and I would write the whole thing about Riis up here, but its too simple to sound complex. seriously Im fucking TERRIFIED of chicks and know I have one after my ass for Riis. I dont want to have to defend myself because Im fucking violent and way too fucking aggressive when threatened. liek a tiger. rawr. besides. I need to fuck up my life like infinitely times more before I bitch in here. seriously. xanga it bitches!
"He's the only man Ive seen strut while he's sitting"
Zaza
and oh em gee. I love Cannery Row and Billy Joel put together. *melt*
oh yeah. and check out my bunny at me photobucket: www.photobucket.com and go to charrediyce

avoiding the superfulous bowl

2005-02-07T02:42:49Z

Oy vey, school year sucks like a leech. well I just kinda want to say Im sortof alive, i want to throw up so I dont have to go to school though....

Inventing lovers on the phone,

Zaza

gotta love teh loathe

2005-01-29T00:21:39Z

oy vey, I despise school for ever. so thats all Im gonna say.

whootsauce

2004-11-03T06:29:15Z

not really, the only thing cool thats happening is that Austin and Chris came over, Jordan is online, I might go to Seth's concert thingy, and my birthday ic coming up.
the rest is just bull.
oh and Garden State.
Good luck in the infinite abyss!
Zaza

Update...

2004-07-10T21:12:10Z

Okay, well not much has been going on. except for summer has been getting oodles better. maybe its because most lj people have not bothered to get in touch with me that I dont care. i dont know, I go to xanga and things are great. then I read this and everybody has one problem or another and are ALWAYS getting high or messed up. this summer has been basic relaxation kinda and Ive been slowly unleashing all my stress and then I read this and everybody has the same problems. heres something for you to consider who have people problems not of your parents. TRY TO GO WITHOUT THE PEOPLE YOU HANG AROUND WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno, I might be sounding wiser or I might have finally gotten used to the fact that a lot of the people I subscribe to arent my actual friends but im actually at peace with myself. true Im starting to have a crush on Christopher Robin and I HATE liking people. Alright I admit that right now my closest friend is someone I met online. and I know that Ive been virtually isolated this whole summer but i dont care. sure its boring at times but through and throught things are alright. Dont tell me I dont understand, because I do, not to sound cocky but Ive been through a lot of turmoil myself WITHOUT getting high or drunk off my arse everyday so all you people, if you bother to comment dont bitch at me on here, bitch on your journals. It works better anyway. maybe its because im not in this business but a lot of shit just sounds stupid to me... oh well, Im just bleh

YARD SALE AT THE VARNERS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!

Listening to you, I get to music Gazing at you, I get the heat, following you, I climb the mountains, I get excitement at your feet...

Zaza

Your mom loves me more than you do.

2004-04-09T05:15:53Z

Spring break... whoo hoo...

I fucking walked around the block 3 times on Tuesday to see Jos and possibly do something with her but noooooooo she had to be away.. I RODE MY BICYCLE AROUND THE BLOCK!!!!!!!!!! I feel so goddam proud!!!!!!

Yesterday my mom decided to drop me off at the Rincon Valley Lie-berry and I went over to MCHS during their lunch and met the coolest bunch of people!!!!!! oh god, they randomly broke out into an Irish Jig... I wanted to fuck them all... then I met this guy named Keith and he gave me his number to hit... then I talked to a chick dumpster diving...

today I fucking saw DEREK!!!!!!!!! AND HE PLAYS TENNIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

He goes to Elsie Allen!!!!!!!!

WIERD!!!!!!!!!

and does anyone know russian names???? so far I have I _ _ _ _ _ _ iy and in there there is an O and an E... Im desperate to find Sheep's name... HE MIGHT SEND ME A PIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *faints*

Alix and I are going to kidnap Danny. its gonna be great.

I hate my high school, I hate drugs, I hate people who influence people, I hate disappointment and dissappointing people, I hate Middletown, I hate how the only person who can agree with me in this town has other friends who are all ndsfgsdhjadtr and giggly and goddamn stupid, except for Sarah, I hate the stupidity of the world, I hate the parents who breed for no reason except for personal gain, I hate people flaunting about stupid stuff, I hate you, and you, and you, and I hate how much I actually give a crap when I shouldnt and you dont even care about me.

I have a deal with everyone in this whole damn town right about now except for Sierra Minchaka, Sarah, Crystal Carpenter, Crystal Davenport, Roxy, Stina, Thunderbird and Andy. and I barely hang out with them...

oh Sheep, why must you make me feel good in the middle of this rant. I care too much about a robot I met online....

bleh

Im gonna go

How does it feel to kiss yourself goodbye?

Zaza

KAPOW! (how'd you like that bitch?)

2004-03-19T04:50:30Z

I LIVE!!!!!!! actually Ive been living. just not on LJ. because LJ annoys me. well

BLARK!

charrediyce @ 2004-02-29T20:32:00

2004-03-01T04:34:36Z

I would be beautiful through and through if I wasnt me..

gragarlrgairfgvsdkljgao[sdifgad'sdjigf

2004-03-01T04:32:55Z

There. thats how it is in a flash.

I miss Max but I should be happy because I talked to Danny and hes awesome. but Im not.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!!

RECAP!!!!!!

2004-02-26T02:29:03Z

OKay well let us recap since Sunday night

Sunday night: I recieved a letter from a good friend of mine that was written by Pat in reply to the "older and wiser" person which called Pat a jackass. In the letter there was a bunch of crap about how pathetic I was and how I was ugly because I was "chubby and the throw-away type" well all feelings have gone and you know, you really must see Kelly to believe it. Thank you Jimbob Alonomous, you're my hero!

I was quite witty when Max came online and what I thought was great was that he came up to me even after breaking up with me! in reply to "whats up" I just told him "My b/f broke up with me today but Im alright" which I am. I still intend to give him the stuff I bought.. this is nothing compared to Pat's breakup.. I still wanted ice cream though...

Monday: 2 fights happened, Eric Yell vs. Dan Patterson (Eric being ahead and I wanted that) and Dan Keneally vs. Joey Pinola (Dan caused Joey to run off crying and I also wanted that).. It made me sick watching it. Carmen and Lina and all these other people are going for the tennis team, yay!!!

DANNY HAS A DIRTY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps for joy*

Tuesday: I played with Jouquin I dunno how you spell it and I got a game off of him! yay! I didnt get to see Max though. In Kehilla Xochi asked me if we were still going out. I said no. I wonder why she asked that, has he found someone else? was he busy with some other chick so he didnt call me on Sat??? gah. no. he's too swamped to have someone else... or maybe only long distance someones..... Shut up Hannah, just shut up. Thats whats irritating Lola because you just dont know when to fucking shut up. I need to stop counting how many times I can use your mom as a comeback/excuse... Why am I such an idiot at times....

Wednesday: Steven DeLong did a fucking hundred pacers!!!! holy fucking shit, Ive only done fucking 87 in my life and I fucking workout every goddam day.... Lola's gone against me and Im not gonna have anyone to talk to on this fucking Ashland trip. Im stuck staying in a room with fucking Melanie Mullin and Kacy Mitchell, Do you realise how much they DONT LIKE ME!!!!!!! nor I them. I dunno maybe Im over reacting because they might be nice w8ithout everyone else but man... this is gonna suck arse.

Oh ya, The Zealots probably wont play in Calistoga because Alix has to go to his grandmothers funeral.. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made up a song last night in the shower:

Title: Gouge your ear drums

(with a happy beat and when lyrics have a * next to them they are to be screamed as in a heavy metal/ punk rock manner)

gouge your ear drums this is crap
but I refuse to take it back
I want to jump and scream and shout
but my throat wont hear me out

I want to make a lot of noise
just like all the other boys
my vocal chords are surely stuck
so I'll say this you all should

*FUCKING BREAK AND MAKE THIS STATE AND BURN YOUR BODIES DONT DELAY NOW

I dont know how I pulled that off
It felt like I couldnt cough
I can not sing that anymore
My throat is getting pretty sore
but to make sure I wont get hit
I will say

*LETS FUCK THIS SHIT BURN YOUR BRIDGES COUNT YOU BODIES, GOUGE YOUR EARDRUMS NOW!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Im gonna write my poems now. they all suck but I hate dates on them (Thanks Max for the idea!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

written: 1.9.04 while on the phone with Max

Dance away the fears

the tears

soothe the calloused mind

feel the softly sorrowful woes

from the ones you left behind

tiptoe around the corpses

of the people slaughtered now

and rise against the pain

the hurt

and come back some other time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written: 1.9.04
Title: Thanks

The worls seems so much calmer now

the pain reduces fast

my stiffness readily slowed me down

but with you it never lasts

It's odd to feel happy

and I dont get any pain

everything is changing now

but I dont want it to be the same

awakwardness was just a trait

that I felt throughout the night

but with you I dont feel that sense

with you it just feels right

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written:1.9.04
Title: Too late

I dont want to give my heart away again

I dont want to be hurt horribly in the end

I dont want to cry in the middle of the night afterwards

I dont want to have my soul murdered

I dont want to become lost inside of you

too late (I did already)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written: 2.07.04

Dont leave me this time

you're you in different form

I've always loved you

But you changed people.

Please stay where you are

dont play hide and seek again

I might lose forever if we play again

I like you better now

just dont change back

into what you were before

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written: 2.14.04
Title: Over reaction

Am I important

or am I over reacting

am I going to get my heart broken

or am I over reacting

am I someone you throw away

or am I over reacting

am I the flavor of the month

or am I over reacting

do you even care about me anymore

or am I over reacting?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know that it would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar, If I could say to you, "girl we couldnt get much higher" come on baby light my fire,

Zaza

Dumped like a bag of potatoes

2004-02-22T22:44:13Z

Well at around 10:30 this morning, Max broke up with me. Im gonna miss that boy but Im gonna be alright because I didnt love him... I hope if we ever DO get together again then we could be together more and he actually said it was possible... well I got pictures from when I was Jesus for Holloween... Im gonna be a kick ass savior....

well Im gonna go

its not worth it

2004-02-21T23:29:56Z

Fuck this shit.... why do I even bother, he obviously doesnt consider me more than a friend, fucking obvious... He told me he was going to his roundabout with some other chick as a joke, thats not funny, at all. maybe Im just in a pissy mood, but Im sick of crying on the phone for no reason. Im sick of being into him a fuckload more than hes into me. Im sick of it all... maybe I should just break up with him.... I obviously want more than he does... but dammit, what if Im wrong??? what if he just cant express it...

who the hell am I kidding, Im just a fucking friend with benefits....

its not the fact that he's busy that makes me feel like this. its the fact that he tells me nothing.... absolutely nothing... maybe he doesnt like his past or his life right now, maybe he thinks its boring, maybe it IS boring but god, sharing is caring.... Maybe Im expecting too much I mean, my first b/f told me he was in love with me before we even kissed but dammit man, the only thing hes told me for the past couple weeks is that he's busy and hes going crazy. I guess I am being too hard on him... dammit.... I just want some fucking reasssurance that Im not going to be thrown aside because Im expendable... oh god, why am I crying right now?? dammit, I hate myself... I wish I could like myself again. I dont need a fucking guy to tell me Im special but I need a fucking reason to feel special and I have none. What does happy feel like? Oh yes I remember all I need is to laugh a little and Ill be back to normal...

I wish he would at least say he cares about me more than Hans and Ashley and all his other more interesting friends....

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head...

Zaza

Its wierd feeling happy..

2004-02-19T04:05:12Z

I saw Max yesterday!!!! yay! I LOVE the rain and I LOVE brownies... I also LOVE the book Go Ask Alice.. and another thing I LOVE is YOU!!!!!

....

but I HATE Mrs. Pease....

Im gonna go

Say Im the only bee in your bonnet, make a birdhouse in your soul,

Zaza

I made Brownies!!

2004-02-16T22:54:30Z

not those kind of brownies stoner... Im so proud he put me on his aim profile:

charrediyce: cus Im lightning speed
Uke Mastah: you're lightning fast on my rod
charrediyce: Im like a flash of pleasure baby
Uke Mastah: more than a flash
charrediyce: Im so fast you dont know whats happening and all you feel is the aftermath

I'm thinking its a sign the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss theyre perfectly alligned

Zaza

Im GoIng SliGhTly MaD

2004-02-15T18:33:49Z

I'm so confused right now, one moment Im wondering what the HELL I got into and another Im wondering why I thought that. I can't really open up to this journal and Im too lazy to copy and paste. I found out that me friend Stephen haqs a ferret calendar and my g/f lexi broke up with me.... My b/f got me Yellow Submarine but I am too afraid of the art to watch it by myself...
Support search and rescue: GET LOST!!
Zaza